Just a little update on how I've been...
Today was a week for downs and more downs, and yet, I'm so happy because of it..mainly because I seemed to have learned a lot this past week..
Real friendship, the sad state of the university's education system, and the discovery of a new world just beyond that which I was.
Betrayal.
Is it wrong to have faith in your fellow man? Or does this really only apply for things of -human- importance, e.g. the trust in that your neighbour won't come into your house at night, or that people won't take your laptop when you've left it unattended. What I mean is, is this faith only limited to things...it seems I'm at a loss of words...but let me continue my next thought... When matters of status, position, promotion are at stake, does this faith crumble? At this time...it seems so. They say that in life that friendship, love, family. That these are the most important things...and yet how can some not realize this? And sacrifice it for status, power, money. As per a friend, or so-called friend that I have come across. Is medical school worth that much? And if you take a look closely.....do you really think that this sort of person should be allowed to practice under a medical profession let alone any profession that is to help your fellow man? The only thoughts that come to mind aren't good. Refusing patients, or service to those that only pay, or of high position to have benefit to you...even though this is seen only in dramas, or so the naive me thinks...it seems as people like the one I've met, are the precursors to these people.
I'm aware that I'm totally all over the place..it may be because of tiredness, or the late time...one contributing to the other...but I felt I should at least write these thoughts down, for maybe one day I can categorize and sort them.
And this brings me to the failure of the school system...or something else? IT seems as if only the allure and prestige of medical school could have produced a person such as this...but who really is to blame? I ask this question mainly because I can't think of a proper solution and therefore cannot believe it to be the fault of society. But it's really hard to rule it out. Are certain people just born to be...well to be honest, downright evil? And only do good such that they can be given recognition?
For me, I can honestly say that I'm not this person. And in addition I can honestly say that I was this person in the past. Not to a great extent. But some. And for this, I guess I do blame the school system, or rather the people currently enrolled in it. I may just have a very bad view of people based on the few people that have met. But still it's still something.
I guess I'll leave it at that for now and see if I can continue this tomorrow, because I'm -very- tired right now.
J
Friday, March 6, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Character traits?
It seems lately...that I'm isolating myself from others...
Not in a social sense, if anything, I'm talking to more people and going out more since I'm here in Victoria...but it just seems like me emotions are dulling now. It seems as if I don't get as much satisfaction as I used to. Almost even to the point that I don't even want to go out and visit my friends anymore.
But why is this?
Even though I say that I don't want to...I also feel as if I would miss out if I don't go.
Not only that...but it seems as people are getting...to put it bluntly...more stupid.
Now I don't mean that in a literal sense, as if they're unintelligent or anything...but it just seems as if the way in which they converse and the topics of which they converse about seems so...mundane..and sometimes even idiotic...it's not like I've only seen this once...but multiple times...
I wonder what this means of me...whether or not it's just me that notices these things...or that I'm flawed and I'm viewing the world through wrongly coloured glasses......
I'd like to continue these thoughts at a later time when I'm not tired and have a headache...
Not in a social sense, if anything, I'm talking to more people and going out more since I'm here in Victoria...but it just seems like me emotions are dulling now. It seems as if I don't get as much satisfaction as I used to. Almost even to the point that I don't even want to go out and visit my friends anymore.
But why is this?
Even though I say that I don't want to...I also feel as if I would miss out if I don't go.
Not only that...but it seems as people are getting...to put it bluntly...more stupid.
Now I don't mean that in a literal sense, as if they're unintelligent or anything...but it just seems as if the way in which they converse and the topics of which they converse about seems so...mundane..and sometimes even idiotic...it's not like I've only seen this once...but multiple times...
I wonder what this means of me...whether or not it's just me that notices these things...or that I'm flawed and I'm viewing the world through wrongly coloured glasses......
I'd like to continue these thoughts at a later time when I'm not tired and have a headache...
Monday, February 16, 2009
To my future self.
Hi...I'm not sure why it turned out this way...but it did lol. At first I didn't know that the title of this would turn out to be something similar to "Tegami" by Angela Aki, but now I seem to get that feeling haha.
Anyway, more importantly, onto whatever I was going to talk about.
It seems lately, that things are changing, changing in such a way that one thinks that that change will last far into the future. And I'm not talking about changes of a present situation such as moving away, or meeting a partner etc. I'm talking about changes in how one views the world, and how one views oneself. Lately, I've been engrossed, okay well not engrossed, but more aware of how the human mind works. (Blame it on me taking a psychology course (of which I'm actually interested in this time) or my volunteer work with a visually-impaired psychologist friend) but it seems like everything I hear, see, read (I guess that falls under seeing) is starting to come true.
This past year, I can honestly say that I've found a part of myself. It's as if everything up until this point my behaviour was stunted, sheltered, in pieces. And now I'm just starting to put everything back together. Not only this, it almost seems as if everyone around me is doing the same.
Coincidence? I don't think so.
It seems that people normally (according to the wonderful first year psychology textbook on which my elbows are resting right now) achieve this sense of "self" or "identity" around the age of 20 and upwards into the early 20s. And to further enforce this, I was told by my psychologist friend that it's around this age (20, if you've forgotten) that people choose the values taught by their parents and integrate it with those they've learned through experience (friends, peers, books, television) to create the person they'll be in the future.
Enough with the psycho-mumbo-jumbo, it's not that point that I was trying to get across.
What I'm most worried about is:
What does that mean for everyone?
Are they becoming the people they want to be? Surely, or else they wouldn't be exhibiting the behaviour that they are.
When looking at it in that light, then my arguments are totally invalid. But I must say them for the sake of letting it out.
Are these people -really- becoming the people that they want to be?
It seems that some of the people close to me are changing for the worst. It's as if my schema for them is changing and I'm that little baby crying since it's not the same. (Lol I wonder if I will understand that in years to come haha.) Or to put it in layman's terms, these people are changing into something that I don't want them to.
Is this me being selfish? Or is this me being disappointed? I guess the two coincide.
But it almost seems as if I'm not being totally out of line here. I want these people the stay the same, because I believe they are best that way, not just because of how I see them, but how the world will see them in the future.
Or is it too early to tell. For some, these changes may only be the beginning, and for others it may be the end.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I wonder if I'm turning out to be the person I should be as well.
Anyway, more importantly, onto whatever I was going to talk about.
It seems lately, that things are changing, changing in such a way that one thinks that that change will last far into the future. And I'm not talking about changes of a present situation such as moving away, or meeting a partner etc. I'm talking about changes in how one views the world, and how one views oneself. Lately, I've been engrossed, okay well not engrossed, but more aware of how the human mind works. (Blame it on me taking a psychology course (of which I'm actually interested in this time) or my volunteer work with a visually-impaired psychologist friend) but it seems like everything I hear, see, read (I guess that falls under seeing) is starting to come true.
This past year, I can honestly say that I've found a part of myself. It's as if everything up until this point my behaviour was stunted, sheltered, in pieces. And now I'm just starting to put everything back together. Not only this, it almost seems as if everyone around me is doing the same.
Coincidence? I don't think so.
It seems that people normally (according to the wonderful first year psychology textbook on which my elbows are resting right now) achieve this sense of "self" or "identity" around the age of 20 and upwards into the early 20s. And to further enforce this, I was told by my psychologist friend that it's around this age (20, if you've forgotten) that people choose the values taught by their parents and integrate it with those they've learned through experience (friends, peers, books, television) to create the person they'll be in the future.
Enough with the psycho-mumbo-jumbo, it's not that point that I was trying to get across.
What I'm most worried about is:
What does that mean for everyone?
Are they becoming the people they want to be? Surely, or else they wouldn't be exhibiting the behaviour that they are.
When looking at it in that light, then my arguments are totally invalid. But I must say them for the sake of letting it out.
Are these people -really- becoming the people that they want to be?
It seems that some of the people close to me are changing for the worst. It's as if my schema for them is changing and I'm that little baby crying since it's not the same. (Lol I wonder if I will understand that in years to come haha.) Or to put it in layman's terms, these people are changing into something that I don't want them to.
Is this me being selfish? Or is this me being disappointed? I guess the two coincide.
But it almost seems as if I'm not being totally out of line here. I want these people the stay the same, because I believe they are best that way, not just because of how I see them, but how the world will see them in the future.
Or is it too early to tell. For some, these changes may only be the beginning, and for others it may be the end.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I wonder if I'm turning out to be the person I should be as well.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
To meet oneself.
Has anyone ever met themselves? No, I don't mean a doppleganger (LOL but that'd be weird/creepy....why am I even saying this?). But I mean meeting someone SO identical to you that you see all the bad things in your own personality?
I have recently met such a person.
And I don't really know what to think. Well, I do believe this person to be similar to me, but not in all respects. I know for a fact that I'm not as passive aggressive as this person, and that I'm not going through my "high-school" phase, as this person still is.
But it's really hard to say. Because it's hardest to judge oneself, it's much much easier to judge another.
And thus, I'm going to stand back. Take this from another perspective. One that has no bias. Hopefully.
I definitely think I'm on the path to becoming a better person...... I must overcome this personality trait of mine, and I think the first thing to do is to recognize that I do have it.
This year has been really great since I've met people so unlike me, and also people so LIKE me; and I've been able to learn from them all.
But still, how does one battle with oneself?
The answer to that question...I'll find out soon.
I have recently met such a person.
And I don't really know what to think. Well, I do believe this person to be similar to me, but not in all respects. I know for a fact that I'm not as passive aggressive as this person, and that I'm not going through my "high-school" phase, as this person still is.
But it's really hard to say. Because it's hardest to judge oneself, it's much much easier to judge another.
And thus, I'm going to stand back. Take this from another perspective. One that has no bias. Hopefully.
I definitely think I'm on the path to becoming a better person...... I must overcome this personality trait of mine, and I think the first thing to do is to recognize that I do have it.
This year has been really great since I've met people so unlike me, and also people so LIKE me; and I've been able to learn from them all.
But still, how does one battle with oneself?
The answer to that question...I'll find out soon.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Blame.
Why is it when one gets blamed for something, the most automatic reaction is to divert the blame to someone else? Or if people are collectively blamed, members that were blamed will try to shift as much to the other members...?
Today I took a stand, and did not do such a thing.
One step.
~Jason
Today I took a stand, and did not do such a thing.
One step.
~Jason
Monday, January 5, 2009
Early Rising: Day 3/4; Subtitle--Screwed Over.
Okay so, I couldn't help but nap today....Too much sleep debt~!! It took a lot of will power to even stay awake as long as I did...!! So I took a nap for about ~1:30 hours and then woke up feeling a bit refreshed.
Sidestory//Normal Blog Entry:
Okay so today is the 4th, or should I call it the 5th now? The first day of school in the wonderful, "wonderful" year of 2009. According to my plans, I was supposed to be at home, sleeping in my warm, flower-patterned covered bed. (Excuse the random insight into my life, but I decided to be cynical at this moment....and no, it's not a lie, they are flower-patterned--long story. (Not really)). But due to the snow in Vancouver, I was unable to even get home, and thus here I am writing my blog thanks to the free internet service at the airport...-_-.
That's not the worst part. I have no idea of if I'll be able to get home, since whenever it snows, it's given that the only bus that leads UBC is suspended T~T. Damn you Vancouver, damn you.
And here I wait, not getting much sleep due to the fact that the only suitable "bed" is a wooden lacquered bench, which trust me, does NOTHING to hide how bad it feels to sleep on.
More updates to come soon.
Sidestory//Normal Blog Entry:
Okay so today is the 4th, or should I call it the 5th now? The first day of school in the wonderful, "wonderful" year of 2009. According to my plans, I was supposed to be at home, sleeping in my warm, flower-patterned covered bed. (Excuse the random insight into my life, but I decided to be cynical at this moment....and no, it's not a lie, they are flower-patterned--long story. (Not really)). But due to the snow in Vancouver, I was unable to even get home, and thus here I am writing my blog thanks to the free internet service at the airport...-_-.
That's not the worst part. I have no idea of if I'll be able to get home, since whenever it snows, it's given that the only bus that leads UBC is suspended T~T. Damn you Vancouver, damn you.
And here I wait, not getting much sleep due to the fact that the only suitable "bed" is a wooden lacquered bench, which trust me, does NOTHING to hide how bad it feels to sleep on.
More updates to come soon.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Early Rising: Day 2/3
DAY 2/3
Went to bed at around 10:45, after feeling tired while watching a show. Most likely fell asleep around 11:30 after brushing teeth and doing nightly routine, while reading. (I don't think the grammar is right in that sentence but that's okay, as long as I understand it haha.) This morning I woke at 5:18, with full mental lucidity........I made my bed and started to clean up some things in preparation for me to leave -- more updates to come later in the day.
~Jason
Went to bed at around 10:45, after feeling tired while watching a show. Most likely fell asleep around 11:30 after brushing teeth and doing nightly routine, while reading. (I don't think the grammar is right in that sentence but that's okay, as long as I understand it haha.) This morning I woke at 5:18, with full mental lucidity........I made my bed and started to clean up some things in preparation for me to leave -- more updates to come later in the day.
~Jason
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