Ishi kun's Blog

Relocation

2009-12-26T00:50:00.000-08:00

Moved to www.ishikunisat.wordpress.com

Purpose.

2009-12-26T00:33:00.000-08:00

一生懸命をする。

2009-12-23T01:25:00.000-08:00

Getting into a rhythm of good habits is a hard thing to do... One taste of not doing it and you're hooked, just waiting for the next chance that you do it again making the same excuse that you did the first time; I was too busy, I was too tired, I'll be too tired afterward. After having indulged in this, how is it possible to stop? Will power can only take you so far. So what will support you until the end?

Redefinition.

2009-12-22T00:37:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny that even at this age that I have to say things like that I have to find myself? Is that so weird though...? During these few months of my hopefully second to last semester of my undergraduate I've seem to have lost myself. Losing interest in the things that I normally did giving up hope more easily and not even doing the daily things such as flossing and properly brushing my teeth. And why is it that...? That's a question that I don't know if I really want to put in words. Even though I've thought it in my mind. But is that really the reason... Or just a great excuse..? Why does it even matter? I've walked the path that I have and because of that I have to suffer the consequences. I need to continue forward and give it my all everyday with what I've got.

Anyway no more late night blogging sessions it's off to sleep.

Random thoughts of late.

2009-12-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

So here I am again, I haven't written anything in so long. But wow, I've sure changed in these past few months...premonition of bad/good/different things to come?

Let's just say, as of yet, my life seems oh so out of order, and I've no time to bring it back to normal. In the midst of exam period, here I am blogging about some random crap that I probably could tackle afterwards, but yet I still continue.

It seems as if all my confidence has dropped from me, and when I mean confidence, I mean of the future. What once seemed like something definite, now is blurred and confusing. I guess this is because I received confirmation that my entrance past those gates won't be this year. But at times, it comes back into focus, sure not this year, but it could be next...right? And then once those thoughts sink in, I start sidetracking to something else. What if it never really happens? Or if it does, what do I do in the meantime? The future's uncertainty really scares me.

So, let's lay out the options that have been floating around in my mind. Just to have concrete evidence of what is to come. Or to really scare the crap out of me. Let's see what happens:

Upon graduation this year (2010), what will happen of Jason Wong?

Choices:

Medical School=down the drain.
Travel to Japan and teach English through the JET programme=chances still possible, but this is something that really just idles time no? (does that make sense?) I mean, upon return, I'll have to think my future again anyway right...? And besides, if I don't focus on my exams now, I may fail a course.....and that would put me here at UBC for another year.
Find a job somewhere=so this is where my confidence has fallen, for the most part. After having heard through a friend that the biochemistry advisor had said, "You're better off getting into medicine or pharmacy than find a job with a bachelor's of science" I've lost all faith in what I can do if all things fall through.
Further schooling=towards what? Pharmacy? Upping my average? Directed studies? Masters?

Well, it seems like there's quite a bit to choose from...but there's so much uncertainty to which ones will be the best path. And whether or not I really even have a "back up".

I guess that's what scares me..? I don't even know my brain is suddenly stopped working...

Maybe I'll continue this sometime soon.

Boy, writing again was fun though, all the things I had swirling in my brain are now on digital paper.

:).

Now should I sleep? Study more? (Probably not) or watch something and then sleep?

I'm leaning towards #3.

My life recently.

2009-03-06T00:34:00.000-08:00

Just a little update on how I've been...

Today was a week for downs and more downs, and yet, I'm so happy because of it..mainly because I seemed to have learned a lot this past week..

Real friendship, the sad state of the university's education system, and the discovery of a new world just beyond that which I was.

Betrayal.

Is it wrong to have faith in your fellow man? Or does this really only apply for things of -human- importance, e.g. the trust in that your neighbour won't come into your house at night, or that people won't take your laptop when you've left it unattended. What I mean is, is this faith only limited to things...it seems I'm at a loss of words...but let me continue my next thought... When matters of status, position, promotion are at stake, does this faith crumble? At this time...it seems so. They say that in life that friendship, love, family. That these are the most important things...and yet how can some not realize this? And sacrifice it for status, power, money. As per a friend, or so-called friend that I have come across. Is medical school worth that much? And if you take a look closely.....do you really think that this sort of person should be allowed to practice under a medical profession let alone any profession that is to help your fellow man? The only thoughts that come to mind aren't good. Refusing patients, or service to those that only pay, or of high position to have benefit to you...even though this is seen only in dramas, or so the naive me thinks...it seems as people like the one I've met, are the precursors to these people.

I'm aware that I'm totally all over the place..it may be because of tiredness, or the late time...one contributing to the other...but I felt I should at least write these thoughts down, for maybe one day I can categorize and sort them.

And this brings me to the failure of the school system...or something else? IT seems as if only the allure and prestige of medical school could have produced a person such as this...but who really is to blame? I ask this question mainly because I can't think of a proper solution and therefore cannot believe it to be the fault of society. But it's really hard to rule it out. Are certain people just born to be...well to be honest, downright evil? And only do good such that they can be given recognition?

For me, I can honestly say that I'm not this person. And in addition I can honestly say that I was this person in the past. Not to a great extent. But some. And for this, I guess I do blame the school system, or rather the people currently enrolled in it. I may just have a very bad view of people based on the few people that have met. But still it's still something.

I guess I'll leave it at that for now and see if I can continue this tomorrow, because I'm -very- tired right now.

J

Character traits?

2009-02-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

It seems lately...that I'm isolating myself from others...

Not in a social sense, if anything, I'm talking to more people and going out more since I'm here in Victoria...but it just seems like me emotions are dulling now. It seems as if I don't get as much satisfaction as I used to. Almost even to the point that I don't even want to go out and visit my friends anymore.

But why is this?

Even though I say that I don't want to...I also feel as if I would miss out if I don't go.

Not only that...but it seems as people are getting...to put it bluntly...more stupid.

Now I don't mean that in a literal sense, as if they're unintelligent or anything...but it just seems as if the way in which they converse and the topics of which they converse about seems so...mundane..and sometimes even idiotic...it's not like I've only seen this once...but multiple times...

I wonder what this means of me...whether or not it's just me that notices these things...or that I'm flawed and I'm viewing the world through wrongly coloured glasses......

I'd like to continue these thoughts at a later time when I'm not tired and have a headache...

To my future self.

2009-02-16T23:17:00.000-08:00

Hi...I'm not sure why it turned out this way...but it did lol. At first I didn't know that the title of this would turn out to be something similar to "Tegami" by Angela Aki, but now I seem to get that feeling haha.

Anyway, more importantly, onto whatever I was going to talk about.

It seems lately, that things are changing, changing in such a way that one thinks that that change will last far into the future. And I'm not talking about changes of a present situation such as moving away, or meeting a partner etc. I'm talking about changes in how one views the world, and how one views oneself. Lately, I've been engrossed, okay well not engrossed, but more aware of how the human mind works. (Blame it on me taking a psychology course (of which I'm actually interested in this time) or my volunteer work with a visually-impaired psychologist friend) but it seems like everything I hear, see, read (I guess that falls under seeing) is starting to come true.

This past year, I can honestly say that I've found a part of myself. It's as if everything up until this point my behaviour was stunted, sheltered, in pieces. And now I'm just starting to put everything back together. Not only this, it almost seems as if everyone around me is doing the same.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

It seems that people normally (according to the wonderful first year psychology textbook on which my elbows are resting right now) achieve this sense of "self" or "identity" around the age of 20 and upwards into the early 20s. And to further enforce this, I was told by my psychologist friend that it's around this age (20, if you've forgotten) that people choose the values taught by their parents and integrate it with those they've learned through experience (friends, peers, books, television) to create the person they'll be in the future.

Enough with the psycho-mumbo-jumbo, it's not that point that I was trying to get across.

What I'm most worried about is:

What does that mean for everyone?

Are they becoming the people they want to be? Surely, or else they wouldn't be exhibiting the behaviour that they are.

When looking at it in that light, then my arguments are totally invalid. But I must say them for the sake of letting it out.

Are these people -really- becoming the people that they want to be?

It seems that some of the people close to me are changing for the worst. It's as if my schema for them is changing and I'm that little baby crying since it's not the same. (Lol I wonder if I will understand that in years to come haha.) Or to put it in layman's terms, these people are changing into something that I don't want them to.

Is this me being selfish? Or is this me being disappointed? I guess the two coincide.

But it almost seems as if I'm not being totally out of line here. I want these people the stay the same, because I believe they are best that way, not just because of how I see them, but how the world will see them in the future.

Or is it too early to tell. For some, these changes may only be the beginning, and for others it may be the end.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I wonder if I'm turning out to be the person I should be as well.

To meet oneself.

2009-02-04T23:26:00.001-08:00

Has anyone ever met themselves? No, I don't mean a doppleganger (LOL but that'd be weird/creepy....why am I even saying this?). But I mean meeting someone SO identical to you that you see all the bad things in your own personality?

I have recently met such a person.

And I don't really know what to think. Well, I do believe this person to be similar to me, but not in all respects. I know for a fact that I'm not as passive aggressive as this person, and that I'm not going through my "high-school" phase, as this person still is.

But it's really hard to say. Because it's hardest to judge oneself, it's much much easier to judge another.

And thus, I'm going to stand back. Take this from another perspective. One that has no bias. Hopefully.

I definitely think I'm on the path to becoming a better person...... I must overcome this personality trait of mine, and I think the first thing to do is to recognize that I do have it.

This year has been really great since I've met people so unlike me, and also people so LIKE me; and I've been able to learn from them all.

But still, how does one battle with oneself?

The answer to that question...I'll find out soon.

Blame.

2009-01-13T22:33:00.001-08:00

Why is it when one gets blamed for something, the most automatic reaction is to divert the blame to someone else? Or if people are collectively blamed, members that were blamed will try to shift as much to the other members...?

Today I took a stand, and did not do such a thing.

One step.

~Jason

Early Rising: Day 3/4; Subtitle--Screwed Over.

2009-01-05T01:15:00.000-08:00

Okay so, I couldn't help but nap today....Too much sleep debt~!! It took a lot of will power to even stay awake as long as I did...!! So I took a nap for about ~1:30 hours and then woke up feeling a bit refreshed.

Sidestory//Normal Blog Entry:

Okay so today is the 4th, or should I call it the 5th now? The first day of school in the wonderful, "wonderful" year of 2009. According to my plans, I was supposed to be at home, sleeping in my warm, flower-patterned covered bed. (Excuse the random insight into my life, but I decided to be cynical at this moment....and no, it's not a lie, they are flower-patterned--long story. (Not really)). But due to the snow in Vancouver, I was unable to even get home, and thus here I am writing my blog thanks to the free internet service at the airport...-_-.

That's not the worst part. I have no idea of if I'll be able to get home, since whenever it snows, it's given that the only bus that leads UBC is suspended T~T. Damn you Vancouver, damn you.

And here I wait, not getting much sleep due to the fact that the only suitable "bed" is a wooden lacquered bench, which trust me, does NOTHING to hide how bad it feels to sleep on.

More updates to come soon.

Early Rising: Day 2/3

2009-01-04T05:37:00.001-08:00

DAY 2/3

Went to bed at around 10:45, after feeling tired while watching a show. Most likely fell asleep around 11:30 after brushing teeth and doing nightly routine, while reading. (I don't think the grammar is right in that sentence but that's okay, as long as I understand it haha.) This morning I woke at 5:18, with full mental lucidity........I made my bed and started to clean up some things in preparation for me to leave -- more updates to come later in the day.

~Jason

Early Rising: Day 1/2

2009-01-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to document my attempts to wake up early..... for no particular reason, I just thought it'd be a fun thing to do. I decided to become an early riser, well for a while, but decided to put it into action in the New Year, as a resolution.

DAY 1

Since it was New Year's Eve, I had decided that it would be odd NOT to stay up until at least 12, which was I did...although it took a lot of effort, and about 15 minutes after the clock struck midnight, I went straight to bed. The next day I had my clock set for 6AM, and woke up accordingly...and decided to take a wake and see the sun rise. Although it was nice to do, I had a very hard time trying to stay awake.....and throughout the day I seemed to be fairly tired, although I did have more focus during the conversations I had with my friends, although slightly impulsive conversation. I then came home and ate and went to bed around 11:30.

DAY 2

I woke at 3:30AM, thinking that it was around 6AM...then back to sleep, Again waking at 8AM.....coming out to watch a bit of TV and brush my teeth as well as eat breakfast. Afterwards I couldn't stay awake and went back to sleep again and woke again at 12PM.......At around 2, only limited mental capabilities, it just seemed like I was so tired and couldn't bring my self to do anything. Now it's currently 4:46 and I'm writing this blog, so I'm at least partially sentient.......let's see what happens for the rest of the day.

~Jason

Understanding.

2008-12-12T01:54:00.001-08:00

In some ways, you are the one that understands yourself the most. And yet, in other ways you're the one person you know the least.....

I think that I've learned lately...that you aren't by yourself in this world. That the things that you think that are felt by only you, aren't actually just felt by you. It's comforting in a way, it's as if you suddenly know that not everything is as black and white as it seems. HAha what am I saying, lol..

The path to understanding oneself, is enhanced by the encounter of someone like you; whether they exhibit the qualities in yourself that you like or those that you don't. Self-reflection is further warranted...

Anyway, enough of that, today I had one of the most odd conversations with my roommate......I'm not going to disclose any more here but let's just say it involves something that the male population is known to do.....several times a week...

That's already pushing it haha.

On another note...how does one capture a moment? Pictures can capture the physical world at a particular moment in time, but yet can it really represent all the thoughts and ponderings that you had at that certain point in time? I've wondered this, can you actually "keep this far"; capture everything into a single tangible object of which you could look at and realize everything that was said and thought....?

How does one stay in a particular moment?

Typical Conversation.

2008-11-24T00:12:00.000-08:00

Girl A: Ohh I want to get a new laptop...

Girl B: I saw one on sale at Futureshop!! It was a Toshiba.

Girl A: Oh... I don't really like Toshiba..

Girl B: It's pink!!

Girl A: How much is it?

(Commentary: Regardless of speed, regardless of memory, regardless of size, regardless of weight, regardless of -ALL- specifications -- the average girl consumer will buy a product that is pink.)

(I'm not actually this sexist or stereotypical, but I thought it was funny because it happened to me :P.)

Damn the internet

2008-11-19T23:40:00.000-08:00

...for changing so quickly!!!

Why didn't I take the chance and buy the damn camera at that price... >_<~!

Oh well, I guess it turns out for the best....boxing day here I come~!

The internet is so great.

2008-11-18T21:15:00.000-08:00

Wahaha, I just found some random code to get free food from swiss chalet.

Moo.

Yay for the internet.

Wow, I sound of ignorance.

Oh well.

Focus.

2008-11-17T00:09:00.001-08:00

I really to make myself a schedule.... >_<~!

Or I'll end up stressing near the end.

Let's count how many days left.

17 until the first exam.

16 until my birthday.

F***.

Why do I try so hard...

2008-11-15T23:05:00.001-08:00

...when you just leave me out?

2008-11-12T23:56:00.001-08:00

Dispel (one l? Two l's?) passive agressive behaviour,

welcome harmony.

Escape.

2008-11-07T16:42:00.001-08:00

Why do we long for escape?

A way to get out...?

Stupid.

2008-11-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like crap.

But not in the way where I complain to everyone and wait patiently (or impatiently) for them to console me. But in the way where anything anybody says will not help. The point of futility. I've hit a wall. Of which I cannot overcome. Or is there a chance? Haha I guess that totally refutes everything I just said.

I really need to know, with some certainty, that I can do this.

It seems so far away and unattainable. But is it?

Where does skill, intelligence, and hard work come into play in an academic setting? It seems to never for me...

...

Here I am in class, perpetuating the fact that I no longer try.

Why should I try so hard?

To achieve my dreams??

Of which seem only to be a dream..

Maybe I should change my dream..follow a different path.

Contemplation of taking a year off........need to seriously think about it.

I'm tired.

So very tired.

And yet there's no escape.

What to do?

But to continue on...

...

...

I plan to eat the chocolate in my room when I get home.

Funny.

2008-11-01T01:23:00.001-07:00

It's really funny how when something like marks are involved, how you can see the true side of people... And how inefficient the education system can be.

Oh well, it's not like that can be changed so radically, in such a short period by just one person.

A friend of mine told that it's the conversations that you have with people where you really learn a lot, as much as what you learn in school. And I know this to be true now, and also as to how naive some of my so-called friends can be...I could just be thinking too highly of myself though. But I want to learn more about psychology now more than ever..(I guess this thought isn't really connected well the the previous one haha).

The only reason I was thinking about this was becuase I was having a conversation with my roommate just now, and I don't want to release too much information in case it's found out about that person (Since he can be a bit odd and stalker-ish) but I do want proof that this conversation did occur, as a sort of mental-online-note.

Also note that I'm not rereading this before I post to rid it of any grammatical (and most likely logical) statements, since I want to this be what's it called...."state of mind? or something, I know that's not the right term haha......whoops....where was the end quotation marks supposed to be...Haha that was stupid.

Anyway, I should be getting back to sleep. I've decided to remove myself from certain people in my life. And from facebook, due to these people that I'm avoiding from my life...(Grammar). So, hopefully the next time I update this blog, I won't have succumb to the callings of facebook. :P..

Also, (If you are reading this, most likely not (FJ), I'm not avoiding you haha).

~Jason

Maybe I should keep this up...

2008-09-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

It's really funny reading the old posts, since it almost feels as if I didn't even write it! Now to update, 3rd year has started and I moved onto res, everything is going pretty good, but it's busy. It's weird how I have so much to do, and yet I don't feel stressed out about it (that much), it's actually nice to be so busy such that you feel accomplished every night.

(Oh yeah, I'm gonna put what I'm doing now just to see what happens later when I read back)

Work is pretty fun, I'm really glad to go in everyday, even though I don't do much in terms of scientific procedure, well I guess it is some, but it's not really special :P. My coworkers are really nice (and we like to argue with each other :P). I also started my volunteering at a lab near VGH, and that hopefully will turn out good. It's nice because then I get to eat out every tuesday and thursday!!! (FYI ICHIBANKAN express sushi is actually pretty good, but a bit expensive). Volunteering at the CNIB has also been going well, I really enjoy going there every week, but I do get a little antsy to leave when it's nearing the 3 hour mark....because I need to keep up with my studying..!!!!

Anyway, hopefully this will continue (which I bet it will since I'll be updating the liver club blog, I might as well update this one as well!!)

~Jason

And 6 months later...

2008-06-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah.

I haven't posted in a while.

But who's to blame?? SCHOOL! Haha, I know that no one reads this, and so it's really a journal-thingie for myself, but we'll see how that goes...

SO! 6 months later, and here I am, after having survived 2-year, I've been promoted to 3rd year!! ^_^. And FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE(Probably no one) 2nd YEAR IN UNIVERSITY IS BY FAR THE HARDEST, SINCE YOU HAVE SO MANY CORE COURSES TO TAKE (In science) SO JUST DO YOUR BEST AND NOT DIE SINCE 3rd year is going to be a LOT easier, and for proof, I somehow have fit five, YES 5! Electives into my schedule for the entire year lol? But then again it's because I'm taking the two core genetics courses in the summer (Which is going okay, it's hard, but manageable).

Anyway, to sum it up. Summer is good. ^_^.

~Jason

P.S. I want a UMPC!!! Such as the EEEPC 900 series or the acer aspire one....or the dell E T_T!!

2008-01-07T11:29:00.001-08:00

First day after moving into res....everything seems so new >_>~~

I'm not sure if I like this feeling or not..I'm leaning towards no because I didn't get a great nights sleep last night....why? I'm not sure...>_>''

Kouhaku is awesome ^_^!~!!

~Jason

Back home...~

2007-12-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, exams are over....and now I'm bored...

I've come back to Victoria, my hometown, without all my music T_T...

I guess youtube will keep me updated from now on :P.....I'm thinking about changing faculties, well I guess it's the same faculty, anyway, I'm thinking about changing into Pharmacy...but I don't know...It's all pressure from my parents...which I'd rather not have..~!!!

*thinks*

Augghhhh, exams suck...!!

2007-12-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

Ahhh!! Exams are honestly killing me...slowly, but surely... I know more about mathematic equations than I ever wanted to know <.>!!

Anyway, another day, another song..!!!

This time it's Ayumi Hamasaki's Jewel ^_^!! I really like this song, though upon inspection of the lyrics...it's not really about actual "jewels" or at least I think so...:P!

For some reason the colour seems to have been removed from that video...and I can't find a better version....but nonetheless enjoy!! And you can download it from here:

Yay first blog post...

2007-12-08T18:03:00.000-08:00

Due to the exam stress and not wanting to do anything... I've signed up for a blog...!!!! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it...but we'll see what happens....

Lately I've fallen in love with Joe Hisaishi, if you don't know who that is, he composes many of the songs featured in Studio Ghibli's and Hayao Miyazaki's works. The following is a song from a movie I have yet to see, I downloaded it a couple of days ago but it turned out to be in some gibberish language...anyways, enjoy..!!! Oh yeah, the movie is called "Kikujiro".

http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

And here's another song that I really like, it's called "Planetarium (プラネタリウム)" By Otsuka Ai. It was featured as an insert song in the very popular J-drama, "Hana Yori Dango　(花より男子)"

You can download it here as well: